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Be an ASKhole

1
 Player
s
20 Minutes
Play
You're frustrated with someone, and you're not sure what to do about it.
Win
You more in touch with your feelings. You feel more connection and understanding. You feel empowered to speak your peace. You turn your frustrations into constructive action.
Tools
1
 Player
s
20 Minutes
Play 
Occasionally
START
1
?

Help & Hints

Choose someone you're upset with, but genuinely want to improve things with.

Complain!

Let's start by finding the source of your biggest frustrations. Who's really getting under your skin? When? How? Time to complain as a first step to resolution.
Rules

1. Pick someone that’s really upsetting you

2. Think through the times you’ve been most frustrated with them.

3. Pick the moment when you were THE MOST upset.

4. Describe it in one sentence. Get as specific as you can.

CONTINUE
2
?

Help & Hints

The people who know you best will often have a more objective perspective. Try to simulate the perspective of someone other than yourself. If you feel the need, go ahead and phone a friend to help out with this round.

Draw Some Connections

Now let's leverage your friends, family, and aquaintances to get some perspective.
Rules

1. Speak the sentence you wrote in round 1.

2. Who do you know that might relate to this frustration?

3. Imagine what they might say if you asked them the following questions...

- What is reasonable about my frustration?

- How might I be making things worse?

CONTINUE
3
?

Help & Hints

For just this round, try listening to your thoughts and tuning out your feelings. Focus on curious inquiry rather than emotional frustration.

Get Curious

In psychology, getting curious is the first step towards deflating anger, adapting to challenges, and coming up with new solutions. Let's try asking some probing questions...
Rules

Ask yourself these questions:

- If the person I'm upset with could do one thing to resolve my frustration, what would it be?

- Is there anything I could do to help the situation?

- What (if any) obstacles prevent us from agreeing to take these actions to make things better?

CONTINUECONTINUE
4
?

Help & Hints

Sometimes we believe a situation can be improved, sometimes we don't. Sometimes all it takes is a little courage to believe change is possible.

Test For Courage

If you've gotten to this round, you may be ready to approach the situation head on. Let's find out.
Rules

See how far you can get with the following checklist.

- I can believe the person I'm frustrated with wants things to get better between us.

- I believe in my own ability to take action to make things better.

- I believe that whatever the struggles we're having, we both stand a better chance of overcoming them if we work together.

CONTINUECONTINUE
5
?

Help & Hints

Actionable = Something someone can immediately DO.

Specific = Describes the time, place, and behavior requested.

Kind = Believing in each other's capacity for change.

Hint

Face to face is better than phone is better than text is better than email. But anything is better than silence.

ASK For Change

Now it's time to make an actionable, specific, and kind request for change. Go ahead and ASK.
Rules

1. Describe the specific action you want to take to make things better.

2. Describe the specific action you want to see from the person you’re frustrated with.

3. Kindly, communicate both to the person you want to make things better with.

4. Listen to their response...

CONTINUECONTINUE
6
?

Help & Hints

Rules
CONTINUE
Deck
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